Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in bhschoirgirl05's LiveJournal:

Monday, September 5th, 2005
11:57 pm	my thoughts for awhile my thoughts for a long time i guess, i must be i mean that i'm pathetic. I've been hanging out with holly and smitty everyday. Yeah i love it and it's fun. But seeing peole cuddle and holding each other just makes me kinda depressed and jealous. Like holly and smitty have their great friendship and it's wonderful that they hold each other, laugh, and just joke around.. but i'm there and i have no one.. mine boyfriend matt is in glenburn with no license and longing (hopefully) to be with me too. Everyday passes by me missing him more and more. i don't want to be like "o i miss him soooo much" i don't want to be like everyone else. i don't want to be clingy or a weird person where she wonders why her bf won't call and what not. I don't care about that kinda stuff. i just want to be held. so people think that i want sex( yeah i do) but it's not the main thing i want. I just want to be held and what not. I want to feel special i want to watch movies and joke about the cheesy effects. it wasn't like that in my last relationship i was depressed and it got really bad where i had a mask. no one really knew what i felt not even the guy that i thought i loved and i wanted to make him happy, but no matter what i was not a perfect gf. That made me feel like i was lower then i already felt i was. I felt i was nothing before then i was like abosulte nothing at all. I want to work on my self-confedience. matt (my new boyfriend) is always making me feel like i should. No one is perfect and he helped me realize that . Everyone is perfect in their own way. I've lived my life jumping from boy to boy. I'm getting older and i want to be happy, i want to setlle down in the way of things. I want to be a mom and a wife with a great guy. i thought i found that guy twice before.but how wrong i was. I just want to be happy and make those around me the same way. Well i got to go.. i had to get that off my chest for soooo long. Love to all my peeps that read this. I got to go and pack my stuff up and go home.. Love to u all matt kiss kiss:-* :-* thanx holly for being there for me Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Untiled- Simple Plan (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 17th, 2005
6:46 pm	Movies and Laughs So today i went to the movies with ms. Holly Jean. We went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was pretty good we give it 2 thumbs up. Well her dad got a new van but he calls it a van. So on the way home her dad had to stop get some gas. So we are in the van and we are blarring the radio and she is turning up the music.. but then it went done and she was like what the hell so she turned up again and it went down again... she was losing her mind or so she thought... i was bursting a gut in the backseat... she had totally forgotten that there was a set of controls in the backseat and i kept changing the volume.. i am now dubbed Asshole.. so that was my afternoon Current Mood: naughty Current Music: Holiday- Green Day (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 1st, 2005
5:17 pm	hey hey all so ya i know i haven't updated lately, but i've been busy. With what u may ask? with a lot of things... working, yes working, i'm a camp teacher at the Maine discovery Museum. What else? hanging out with bunches of ppl. like one time i hung out with Ryland, Sam ( friends from orono i grew up with them) Jessi, Holly and Clay (my boi). Then i've been spending the night at holly's and then hang out with clay.. we don't get to see each other all that much these days mainly cause we have different work scheduals but we are working on it. he told me that won't ruin our relationship. Sometimes (partically all the time) i know he is the one that i'm going to be with for the rest of my life. So the most recent thing i've done these past few weeks is go out to lunch with an old friend that i grew up with. Sam Halmen. Sam is a kick ass guy that is younger then me but we were like two peas in a pod when we grew up together. Me and him go back to when i first met his older brother joe, which is another person that i grew up with. All my friends from orono i grew up with lol. it was hard moving to bangor and leaving them all behind. I hope they all forgive me for losing track with them... so yea i have nothing else to say. so i'll ttyl... love ya peeps. Current Mood: horny Current Music: Running from your Dad- BFS (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
11:49 pm	what can i say, things are great! i got CAR! woot my uncle in cali gave me the money for it, all is well in the world of nothing. Hanging out with the girlies( holly and jessy). watching movies and what not. just like the old times. u are probablly wondering why i haven't metion kendra yet, well i haven't really talk to her in awhile. she's my friend but we haven't been in contact for a few days. Clay and I to my knowledge are good. he's a good guy that loves me. woot! anyways going to talk to u'll later. mwuah!!!! Current Mood: crazy Current Music: Look at what u've done-jet (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
9:55 am	WooT! today is my last day of school and i can't wait to get out of here. I might be getting an apartment with one of clays friends... i guess it's $700 for a month but there is a lot of ppl already staying there so it's like $75 a month which is wicked awesome. I'm going to totally look into this as an option. Anways clay and i are doing great.. hehe i found his "spot" and i'm using that to my advantage.. on another note i am extremly happy. Currently after school i get to clean my room, then go to work then go to senior salute.so i have one more final then i'm done for the day. but the sad thing is it's like 50 minutes away. In a few i'm going to seek clay and talk and hug him. People, i don't think u understand how happy i am and why. I am happy cuz i finally have the man of my dreams, sure he's not the tall blonde blue eye muscular guy but he is sweet caring, unquie, so yea he likes computers and final fantasy but i will learn from him and maybe he'll learn from me. All that love is, is learning from the one u love and also finding the one that will ( and u know)love u for who u are. not for lust, but for who u are! so that is my speel on that. I love him and i know that he loves me. ttyl Current Mood: horny (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 5th, 2005
3:35 pm	Prom prom was last night, i must say it's was totally wicked awesome! i got to spend the day geting ready to look the most beautiful, anyone has ever seen. i went to sea dog with a bunch of ppl. and i tell u have, i have never had that much fun in my life. The night started with clay coming over to my house and he got my mom and myself a half a dozen each. Kendra and reeks came over for pictures then we were picked up to truly start the night. Now like i said we went to sea dog. i was surprised that we didn't get kicked out, u might wonder why, i say that cuz we were so loud. we were laughing so freaking hard. We ended up getting to the prom a little ealry so, clay and i took a little walk and he gave me the gift that he kept teaing me about a ring. The ring was his grandmother's and it's to symbolize the loves he has for me and the love i have for him. So the night progresses and don't worry i will have pics foe all to see. So the prom rocked, we danced all night, we all kicked off our shoes(literally) and danced till about 11 then we went to dsyarts but they were packed so we went to deny's but no it was an half hour.. well i'm going to write about it later. love always Current Mood: loved (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 29th, 2005
9:26 pm	hehe so on friday i went to see madagascar with clay, kendra, and reeks. before that we went to borders and went into the sex section, i never knew that they had one... so when we went to the movies and my back started to kill, clay was gentle trying to make me feel better and rubbing my back... so yesterday was saturday am i correct? i once again hung out with kendra and reeks. we were going to go to bangor brewer lanes but we decided to go to super walie world... it's was all good... anyway did u a tiger can change it's spots? well it's coming to an end, school i mean, jeez ppl what were u thinking? prom is next weekendand it's going to be a blast..... then graduation is the weekend after that.. woot! umm what else to say... oh yea i'm happy! ever soo happy. well ttyl Current Mood: sexy Current Music: ass like that -emienm (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 26th, 2005
8:47 pm	when u are bored u come up with strange things and sayings. me and my friend jon dugas were bored and this is what we came up: LoveNlp: boredom is trying to take over my mind and soul NYYpimpin05: lol...you must find thoe holy mistletoe and vanquish boredom forever more. NYYpimpin05: the* LoveNlp: mistloe? uumm ok LoveNlp: i will go on a quest to find it LoveNlp: any ideas? LoveNlp: where to find it NYYpimpin05: yes...for the fate of all human boredom depends on it...i bestow this unto you...*you recieve 12 pack of mt dew*.....*you recieve Comb*....*you recieve duct tape*.....now go.....and use these items to thier fullest extent....only then...can you complete your quest. so other then that we have 5 days of school left and next week is prom and then the weekend after that is GRADUATION!!!!!!! Clay and I have been dating for a month and some weeks the 19th is our second month.... i want to be happy and for once i am and i try to tell clay rhat but it's soo hard to tell him why.. well i want to go to school possible emcc and i'm afarid i know that sounds wacky but it's the truth.. well i gtg i love ya all ps. my new nickname is "Pringles" Current Mood: crazy Current Music: Mockingbird (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 16th, 2005
10:39 am	NICOLE N is for Naive I is for Influential C is for Cheerful O is for Orderly L is for Lovable E is for Easy What Does Your Name Mean? NICKI N is for Normal I is for Intense C is for Courageous K is for Kinky I is for Impressive What Does Your Name Mean? Current Mood: for once in my life (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
10:45 am	omg ppl i know i haven't updated, i've been away and then also i have no computer mine has to be destroyed and it's not kool. On a brighter note, i am truly in love, yesterday clay and i hung out all day we cuddled and we watched movies and he helped andy with ffX. We went to russles with a bunch of friends and we decdied to go get something to eat aftewards. it was all good. ppl i'm sry if i don't update regular but it's not my falut. well i'll see u all around.... And if i shall update it's cuz i'm at school. Love ya's Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: Don't laugh at me - Mark Wills (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
9:07 pm	okay so i haven't updated in a couple of days, not like it's a big deal. Nothing much is different since i've last updated. Ive been working and going to school. well i have nothing to say. love ya'll love ya Clay Current Mood: sore (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 24th, 2005
12:40 am	hahaha u went to my friend's lj and they had this. Comment and let me know which bear u are. Raver Bear Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You? brought to you by Quizilla (7 Comments |Comment on this)
12:22 am	i'm waiting for my muse so i amuse others So tonight i went out for the evening with a bunch of ppl. Kendra, Andrew Reeks, Hadley and Sarah. We went to family fun lanes and it was all fun. On saturday nights as u all know u get to win prizes. Well i won alot of stuff only cuz i SUCK!!!! My first game was a 40 something and my second game was about a 59. Yea i know pathetic and very very sad. I walked past the guy that was handing out stuff, he pulled me aside and said that he owed me. I was like "for what?" he said " for breathing and trying so hard". I won a free game and a free dessert at denny's which is good cuz clay said that he would take me there. Later in the evening our lane was choosen if we got a stirke the person got a free something, well guess whos turn it was.. ur right mine, i missed one pin.. ONE PIN. I was soo sad, he came up to me again and said "here, so u can practice that shot." I was like woot! Then someone got a spare and won a free pass for the whole place so i have three passes. WooT! Then someone in the group won us a free whooper. Then the guy at the front counter gave us, 20% off an entree at denny's. So tonight was not a complete waste. Not do I only I suck at bowling but also pool. Yea, it's not a pretty sight, i'll tell u that. Well i love everyone, especially clay, i didn't get to see him or talk to him today but it's all good. well ttyl. Current Mood: geeky Current Music: Push me away- Linkin Park (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 22nd, 2005
11:14 pm	omg i haven't been so happy like this before. Clay and i have been dating and he loves me and i love him, he wants meto happy and not lonely. U have to go see his lj.. http://www.livejournal.com/users/deathkloud/434.html it says it all Current Mood: giddy Current Music: Papercut- Linkin Park (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 21st, 2005
9:46 pm	so i worked again today, not so busy but kept me mostly on my feet. Clay and I had fun last night. WE just hung out and talked. Even though i look like shyt he didn't seem to care. I might have to go see the doctor becuz of the blisters on my chin might be infected. So anyway, life is okay, i'm working for the rest of vavtion except sunday. well ttyl. Current Mood: uncomfortable Current Music: 1985- BFS (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
9:42 pm	so yeah, me and clay are hanging out tomorrow. We are going to watch movies and just talk. Anyway i look like a monster, i got sun poisioning the last two days i look horrible and i''m okay with it. it just means that i'm going to have to be careful this summer. Anyway i'm going to listen to music ttyl.... love always. Current Mood: giddy Current Music: Numb-Linkin Park (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 18th, 2005
9:11 pm	what to do Hey all, i decided to start one up again so here it is. Today and yesterday i get sunburned and it hurts. Like when i want to smile cuz i'm in a good mood, it hurts. So anyway, i found out that one of my guys friends really like me and i like him to. I want to go out with him but i'm afarid of getting hurt or hurting him. So anyway i'll talk to ya'll later. Ps leave a comment on what i should do Current Mood: drained Current Music: look what u've done -jet (4 Comments |Comment on this)